December 2 edition

Thanksgiving Comes to the Manor

It was a happy Trudy who viewed with satisfaction and hunger the two large bowls of mashed potatoes at the manor feast. Even she could not eat all those potatoes. The matron proved once again that she could provide what was necessary to make her family happy and stuffed.
Awed Guest Bows As Matron Passes
One of the many guests at the manor could not contain herself but fell nearly prostrate as the matron passed by. This was an understandable reaction but the matron, of course, was surprised at this show of adoration.

Monarch Attacked By Angry Game-Player

Who WAS this person who, completely unprovoked, attacked the monarch in his own home at his own table? What was the motive? Anyone having any information on this assault is encouraged to contact the Editor who will promptly report it to the authorities.

Sean Amazes Manor Guests

Our ace photographer caught this photograph of a photographer's husband trying to impress one of the youngest guests at the manor feast. Judging by the look on her face when she saw his outfit, this reporter would conclude she was not impressed.

Trudy Suffers Unusual Face Disease

As our more perceptive readers may have noticed from the two pictures in today's edition showing young Trudy, Trudy Musser (youngest of the manor children) was suffering from face fixation on Thanksgiving Day in the manor. She was seen with the same expression in several photographs taken at the feast and ensuing festivities. We here at the Chronicle hope she is able to fight off this ailment quickly!

New Pie Record

The standing pie record for previous Thanksgiving feasts at the manor was broken this year when the manor family and their guests managed to produce 24 pies in addition to other desserts on Thanksgiving Day. First-time guests were amazed at all the beautiful pies which included many traditional kinds as well as more exotic kinds. We want to warn our readers: do not try to replicate this at home.

New Vocabulary Update

Two new words were heard by our secret vocabulary spy in the manor.

Thinger: an appendage attached to the hand. Syn.: Finger Ex: I have ten thingers and ten toes.

Expensable: an adjective meaning to cost a lot of money. Ex: Grandma, that was VERY expensable.

The same secret vocabulary spy also heard the following explanation:

"I know why they call them cotton balls - because cots are soft and fuzzy and so are cotton balls and they're shaped like a ball."

November 24 Edition

The Longest Necklace Ever

The manor has done it again - an amazing story from this reporter with pictures to prove it. Sometime during the past week, someone in the manor created the longest necklace ever. As you can see from the pictures, this incredible piece of jewelry is much too long to wear in a single strand. Even the matron is not tall enough to wear this one. Only in the manor could such a thing as this happen.

The Morgan Mermaid

Our ace photographer was able to sneak into the bathroom to snap this unusual photograph of one of the manor grandchildren. Some say she just appeared in the water while others claim she swam in through the drain. Our photographer cannot confirm or discount any of the claims at this writing.

Monarch Begins New Chapter in RV Work

This is the week the monarch begins providing mobile RV service for his company, according to reliable sources. We tried to interview the monarch himself, but he was far too busy preparing his mobile shop for its first appointment on Tuesday. However, sources who were hiding in the manor driveway were able to sneak a peek at the aforementioned trailer when the monarch showed the matron what he had been doing. "It's really something!"

Strange Quiet Settles Over the Manor

Our hidden microphones inside the manor provided little to hear this morning as the manor grandchildren are out of town visiting their Morrison grandparents this week. There was no school chatter, no reading of stories made up of short vowel words, no recess playing with flying fairies or dancing princesses. However, the matron was seen exiting the house with a plastic bag full of empty toilet paper rolls. Our hidden reporter followed her across the street and down the canal but lost her before she reached her destination. When she returned about an hour later, she was without the plastic sack. What she did with those empty toilet paper rolls remains a mystery at this time. If any of our readers can shed some light on this mystery, please contact the editor.

Excitement Mounts As Holiday Approaches

Preparations have begun for the Thanksgiving feast. The matron is processing her garden pumpkins for the various pies the monarch has promised to produce. The actual kind of pies he plans to make has been kept a guarded secret but we here at the Chronicle are sure they will be amazing. The matron also plans to make some pies but will not disclose the variety. We have contracted with a special reporter to hide himself in the manor on the day of the feast to be able to report on the actual food eaten. Judging from the plans our inside reporter was able to glimpse earlier today, said reporter reports that there appears to be a larger guest list than usual. The monarch was overheard saying, "Just let me take care of finding another table."

Amazing News Is Amazingly Unamazing

Amazing Amanda has vanished from sight. There is no amazing news this week. Isn't that amazing?

November 17 Edition

Matron Amazes All with Her Speedy Recovery

Although she is not yet completely healed, even the monarch has noticed the vast improvement in the matron's condition over the past few days. She is now able to sit through a worship service without much pain and can do quite a bit of bending, according to our matron reporter. The monarch was very gracious to buy her some flat dress shoes so she could once again wear a skirt, which our fashion report reports was very fashionable on Sunday. "She just looks great in EVERYTHING!" an eye-witness confided confidentially to our staff. Of course, we here at the Chronicle are thrilled she is healing so quickly and wish her all the best.

Photography Staff Takes a Week Off

"I decided to let them take a much-needed vacation this week. Our photographers work as hard as any of us to produce this periodical and we truly appreciate all their hard work. It isn't always easy taking the outstanding photos they take." This was how our editor responded to questions from the reporting staff today. In this reporter's opinion, the editor was right. We owe a lot of our success to our photographers.

Monarch Delivers Edifying Sermon on Edification

Sunday evening was the time, the church building was the place, the monarch was the guest speaker for the evening. Comments that might have been heard after the sermon were, "Amazing delivery!" "He didn't even seem nervous." "Great organization and illustrations." "If I were an edifice, I would be quite tall after that amount of edification." The monarch has pleased and amazed the local congregation by signing up to preach at least once each month. We will continue to report on his success in this endeavor.

Morrisons Provide Lunch on Sunday

This just in from our cooking department:
The Morrisons provided lunch for several people on Sunday. Baked potatoes, cheese, chili, and various other foods were available for consumption. Mr. Morrison was the guardian of the brownies as they cooked in the active kitchen, checking on them paranoidedly every few minutes - even taking them out while they were still liquid to keep them from burning. He was successful - they were not burned. They were also not edible at that point, but later they were.

This Week's Vocabulary Builder

This week's newly developed word comes from one of the younger members of the family. Fefuhfuhfuh: a biblical command issued by Jesus. Example: "Do you know what Jesus said for, 'Be opened?' 'Fefuhfuhfuh!' I learned that in my class at church!"

November 10 Edition

Tragedy Strikes at the Manor

It was with great horror and sorrow that our staff learned the matron was in great pain this week after spraining her back. Despite her discomfort and agony, she was all smiles when her family needed her and showed great courage in the face of a prolonged recovery. As of this morning, she was feeling somewhat better and is able to actually sit for short periods of time without too much discomfort. Her prognosis is a full recovery if she follows her doctor's advice and continues to exercise properly. So today she was seen with the monarch walking down Hill Road at a fairly brisk pace as instructed by her chiropractor. In an interview later she revealed that the walk did indeed provide some relief and she plans to continue walking until she is strong enough to go back to the gym. It is with enormous sorrow and disappointment we have to report the blasphemy heard against said matron within the family. Audrey Morrison should have said, "No, Mom, it's not your age. It was just a fluke."

Morgan Morrison Enjoys First Day of School

Young Morgan Morrison spent her first day at school this week when her mother needed to take their family car in for service. Although she brought several of her own activities, she decided to participate in her older sister's projects as much as possible - or at least her version of them. A highlight of the morning was using the white board which is reserved for school use only. Other activities included coloring, cutting, gluing, and playing with Play Doh. Snack time was also a highlight of the morning since she had refused to eat a good breakfast. We do not know when her second day of school will be.

Vocabulary Builder

This week we are privileged to introduce a new section to our wonderful periodical. From time to time we will endeavor to increase our readers' vocabulary by introducing them to new words as they are developed. This week's new word is a verb: to Play Doh. Example: "Dwandma, I'm done Play Dohing."

Contest Updates

The Water Contest was put on hold while both contestants recover from colds.

The Biggest Tomato Growing Contest was won by the matron by default. All other contestants vanished from the face of the earth. If said contestants should reappear, they are welcome to enter their tomatos for judging by the Chronicle staff.

New Literary Challenge

As the holidays are approaching, we here at the Chronicle would like to encourage those of our readers with literary ability and those who wish they had literary ability to participate in a new peotry challenge. Our last such challenge had several imaginative entries which were enjoyed by all our readers. We hope many more will try their hand at this challenge. As always, the editor reserves the right to do whatever in this challenge. We wish you all good luck.

A New Month, More Stories from the Manor

Sickness Strikes the Manor

Alas, it is true. The matron is ill with the same cold that her eldest daughter and granddaughters have. Our sources inside the manor have confirmed that she is dealing with this little setback in her usual brave and gracious way. We here at the Chronicle wish her a very speedy recovery.

Ben Delivers Educational Lesson

Not-as-young-as-he-used-to-be Ben Morrison presented a fine lesson at the local congregation Sunday evening on how to teach someone the gospel. His delivery was animated and interesting, and most of the audience could read at least parts of what he wrote on the board because he was kind enough to tell us what it said.

Amazing Amanda Returns from Another Amazing Vacation

Mexico will not be the same now that this amazing young lady has returned from a week's vacation in the impoverished country. Our reporters have not been able to receive any comment from her about her trip, but we are fairly certain that she awed most anyone she met and probably now has an amazing tan.

Trudy Increases Knowledge of Cleaning Tools

Witnesses confirmed that still-young Trudy Musser has again increased her knowledge of various cleaning tools from a quick lesson from the ailing matron. Despite her weakened condition, the matron was willing to answer questions from her youngest daughter on spray nossle education. Being the quick learner she is, Trudy immediately understood the matron's instructions and will now how the cleanest bathroom ever.

The Monarch Leads an Educational Singing

"Outstanding," "Very musical," "What a leader!" were some of the comments that might have been commented following the singing held at the Morrison house on Saturday evening. The purpose of this particular singing was to educate interested members of the congregation in new songs so that those same songs might be led in a worship service and enough people would know how to sing them that it wouldn't sound bad. Those involved made some beautiful music even though many were beginning to succomb to colds. Unfortunately the following Sunday evening, the colds had managed to quiet most of the sopranos and the monarch was disappointed with the result when he led one of the aforementioned songs. We at the Chronicle are sure that once the sopranos have their voices back, the monarch will be satisfied and pleased with the songs. Part of the problem may have been that Amanda was not there to cover for those who could not sing.

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor:
I was so pleased to know the Crutchfield Chronicles is in print again. I thought my subscription had expired because I had not received this excellent publication for years. Please keep up the good work.
A devoted reader.
P.S. I especially enjoy pictures and news about the manor grandchildren.

Dear devoted reader,
We may have received hundreds of letters similar to yours but yours was the most elequent so we chose to print it here. We also enjoy the news and pictures of the manor grandchildren but unfortunately there was not a lot of grandchildren action this week at the manor as they were both sick. We hope to have more news to report next week. Thank you for your continued support.
The Editor

More Manor News for Inquiring Minds

Crutchfield Manor the Site of Shortest Recital Ever

Saturday evening the matron hosted a piano recital for her two piano students, Bailee Morrison and Abigail Johnson, and a guest student from the area, Miss Jannae Cox. All three pianists did well and all guests were greatly entertained by the very short recital which probably lasted about 7 minutes. "The refreshments following the event were fantastic!" replied one guest interviewed by our reporter. When asked who made said refreshments, the answer was "Why, the matron, of course."

However, there was an unusual effect caused by the event. Several participants were so awed by the matron that they experienced a rather trance-like state for a split second after seeing her stand by the piano. When young Abby Johnson asked if one day she might be as marvelous as the matron and was told it was probably impossible, she reacted rather violently as you can see in the above photo.

Other entertainment was provided by Morgan Morrison at the end of Miss Johnson's performance in the form of a percussion-type performance of her own.

Monarch Continues His Hectic Schedule

Despite concern from the family, the monarch continued to work his three jobs this week. We here at the Chronicle are amazed by his stamina and dedication to his family in this endeavor. We know it takes a strong man to achieve what he is achieving. He did, however, take one evening off to spend a little time with the matron this week. Our souces claim they spent the evening dining at a local restaurant called "Famous Dave's" which seems appropriate for this couple.

Kittens Abound in the Extended Family

Over the past few weeks, the manor children have adopted two kittens. Tink lives with the Morrison family and Muffie lives with the Musser family. Both kittens are gray and adorable; however, Jeff is convinced that the Musser kitten is more adorable than the Morrison kitten. As of this printing, our staff does not have a picture of the Musser kitten but we are happy to publish this picture of the Morrison kitten for your viewing pleasure.

As you can see, the Morrison kitten is fascinated with noses.

Continuing updates from previous weeks...

As promised in an earlier edition, we have at least one more update from weeks gone by concerning the monarch and matron. This latest in from our Morrison house reporter:

October 11 was the date of the most recent birthday party in the manor family. While all enjoyed the celebration, there were moments when a strange illness lurking in the Morrison house manifested itself. As you can see from the following photographs, the illness caused startling changes in the features of those affected. Of course the matron was not affected as she is not subject to feature-changing illnesses.

Sean and Kim were affected first. Neither was aware of the change in countenance.

Shortly after noticing the symptoms in Sean and Kim, our photographer noticed that Ben had began showing symptoms.

If you look closely in this photo, you can see the beginning of the symptoms affecting the monarch. Even as the children enjoyed the cake, the disease was spreading. Perhaps covering her ears was what saved Morgan from the awful countenence changing affect.

In this photo our photographer captured the face of the monarch as the disease progressed. You can also see that now little Bailee is also suffering symptoms. Fortunately for all this was a very short-lived condition that is showing no continuing side effects.

Literary Contest to Begin Soon

The Chronicle will be sponsering a literary contest soon. Stay tuned for future announcements.

Water Challenge Update

Our inside reporter recently discovered the water challenge between the matron and her daughter Audrey continues on. As of this printing they were still in a tie.

Please send your stories about the monarch family to the editor via the comment section of this edition.

Continuing updates from previous months with the manor family

Scary Sean Threatens Violence at Birthday Party

Uncle Sean, possibly upset there were no presents for him at the birthday party, grabbed a sword and began threatening our camera person at the monarch's daughter's house where the family met to celebrate someone's birthday. Sources tell us Sean was subdued before anyone was injured. It was probably the matron's calming influence that saved the day.

Traumatized Child Reacts to Sean's Violence

Young Morgan may have been severely traumatized by the antics of Uncle Sean at said birthday party as you can see in this photograph that our ace camera person managed to take. Inside sources later confirmed that Miss Morgan was feeling much better a few hours after the incident.

Group Effort Conquers the Candles

Old Audrey Morrison had so many candles on this year's birthday cake it took three people to blow them all out. The smoke filled the room and the monarch might have calmly assured the fire department that all was well and there was no danger (except when Sean found a sword). Eye-witness of the candle-blowing were amazed at the elasticity of the checks of these three blowers. Without it, the cake may have been destroyed by the fire.

Amazing Amanda Rejoices

Although the cause was unclear to our inside sources, Amanda's happy face amazed all in attendance at the birthday party. "It's such an amazing joy to see such amazing joy!" said one amazed observer. The only question in some people's mind was, "Why do her eyes have to turn red when she is so amazingly happy?"

Notes from the Editor:

We will continue to update you on past events at the manor throughout the coming days until we feel you are up to date with the manor house calendar. It is our on-going joy to be able to provide you with the best in manor coverage.