Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Crutchfield Family Seen in Utah


Our ace photographer caught this terrified expression on the face of Amazing Amanda Crutchfield recently in an amusement park in Utah where the family had gone for a few days of rest and relaxation. Sources tell us it was not so relaxing for Amazing and the monarch and matron on the way. Not far outside of Mountain Home they witnessed a motorcycle accident in front of them on the freeway. Within seconds Amazing was out and tending to the needs of the woman who slid across the road while the manly monarch helped to clear the road and direct traffic until the ambulence arrived and the injured were escorted to the nearest hospital. The matron, who ever keeps her cool, had quickly dialed 911 and had an ambulence on the way.
Upon notifying Mrs. Audrey Morrison that they would be late, they proceeded on their perilous quest only to be stopped again by a flat tire. By this time it was already dark so while the monarch unloaded the trunk to reach the spare, the matron once again proved her worth with the cell phone and texted Mrs. Morrison once more. It was decided by the wise monarch to spend the night in a nearby village, although it was difficult to find a hotel that met Amazing's high standards. Mrs. Morrison was very understanding, refraining herself to a small complaint that this was very inconvenient for her as the monarch's car was carrying the eating utensils for the group.
The following morning, Amazing once again showed her amazingness by whipping out her credit card and allowing the monarch to buy new tires for her. The monarch, giddy with anticipation, left the hotel very early and returned with the best tires he could find.


The monarch did not let his age stop him - he rode several roller coasters with the younger members of the family without fear or consequence...sort of.

Covering his eyes after the roller coaster rides helped with the small after-effects. Unfortunately it took several hours for this expression to leave his face.




The youngest of the clan did her best to remain in cognito. We at the Chronicle understand the challenges of living in a famous family. We do our best to give the family their privacy, but we know that our readers want to know all about their lives. It's a tough balancing act.







Mrs. Morrison also tried to hide her identity by plastering her hair to her head and wearing nondiscript sunglasses. It might have worked better had young Bailee been able to look at her without feeling repulsed. The Chronicle staff believes that Audrey's act of hiding her neck probably was very effective.
More News from the Manor
Our hidden sources in Stanley, Idaho, informed us earlier this week that the monarch and the matron were seen scaling the mountains outside their fair village. Kim O'Connor was also with them. They were seen the following day at a local pizza place eating a large pizza with great gusto. What an amazing couple!
Medical Update
Although it has been several months since the initial injury, the matron continues to patiently and quietly deal with her shoulder pain. Sources near to her claim it will be several more months before she can expect a full recovery. Her fine example of silent suffering has been an inspiration to all.
Meanwhile, in an effort to gain some attention for himself, the monarch threw his back out tieing his shoe. A single trip to the chiropractor seems to have done the trick. Some of our advisors warn that age may have something to do with this injury epidemic, but experts tell us this is not so. We believe the experts.

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